How to Support the Athlete in Your Life

It is important that we understand that athletes are not immune to mental health challenges. A 2023 study by Samantha Weber and colleagues found that student-athletes are at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Female athletes were found to have an even greater risk. Athletes are human at their core and carry with them the same vulnerabilities to life’s challenges and mental health struggles as non-athletes. A big difference, however, is that athletes are often expected to always perform at high levels both physically and mentally and are often shamed, dismissed, or given up on if they don’t.

The good news: We have the power to change the conversation and provide support around athlete mental health.

The hard news: We must actively put in the work to challenge age-old assumptions and approaches to working with and supporting athletes even if it can make us and those around us uncomfortable.

More good news: If we do this work collectively and compassionately, we can truly make a difference and potentially save lives along the way. If you are a parent, coach, friend, or someone otherwise connected to an athlete, you might be wondering what your role could be in supporting that athlete. Based on my own knowledge, research, and experiences, I will share strategies and approaches that may help you meet your athlete where they are and support them as they navigate the various joys, heartaches, thrills, and challenges that can come with being an athlete.

Coaches

As coaches, we have an important role in our athletes’ growth and development. Coaches and athletes don’t always agree which can often lead to frustration. This is part of life and part of sports. What truly matters is how we manage situations in which conflict arises. How are we speaking to our athletes when they missed nine out of 10 ground balls or only made one out of 10 free throws? What if it’s an overthrow to first base on what would’ve been the game winning out and now our opponent just tied up the game? Do we yell at that athlete in front of a whole team or crowd of people or do we pull them aside later and address the errors they’ve made and provide corrective feedback? Are we yelling at our athletes that they need to be better or are we actually taking the time to show them how to make that happen?

How we interact with and respond to our athletes has the power to dictate the rest of the practice, competition, or even the athlete’s entire day. Our interactions with our athletes aren’t the only thing that may impact these things, but they are one of many factors that inevitably impact our athletes’ experiences. I believe that we have a responsibility to try to make these interactions meaningful as opposed to shame-ridden and unproductive.

Brene Brown’s research on shame resilience teaches us that shame is not a good tool for change. As it applies to sports, shaming our athletes for their mistakes will not get them to respect us more or positively improve their performance. It will likely lead to internalized shame or self-hatred instead, which has both short- and long-term negative implications.

We as coaches have to also remember that we are human and are allowed to make mistakes. Ruptures and repairs can and will happen. If we’ve behaved in a way in which we are not proud, we have the power to revisit that interaction and attempt to repair that relationship with our athlete. A simple, “Hey, I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you after your last race. My words and actions didn’t accurately reflect how I was feeling, and I want you to know I’m working on improving that,” goes a long way.

Parents

Your job as a parent is not easy. It’s impossible to be a perfect parent or always know just what to say at any given moment to your child athlete when they are struggling. It’s also natural to want your child to be the best. When their performance doesn’t meet your expectations, you might get disappointed or upset and therefore take it out on them. While these feelings are valid, the focus should be on how you respond to and express those feelings that come up for you. When we feel big feelings, our amygdala takes over and rational thought and logical reasoning often lose their power. If this happens to you as a parent of an athlete, I encourage you to breathe, have compassion, and ask yourself what the true message is that you want to get across to your child. I encourage you to have an honest conversation about whether your words and actions are in alignment.

I also encourage you to regularly check in with your child athlete. They may not give you more than a few words in their response, but those regular check-ins often have a lasting impact. Further, I encourage you to respect when your child doesn’t want to talk. Athletes are under a lot of pressure on and off the field. We have to help them remember that they are allowed to struggle and that they have our support whether they are winning a gold medal or taking a mental health break from their sport.

In sum, it's important to remember that athletes are human. They perform at a high level, are held to high standards from themselves and others, break records, go the extra mile, work from sun up to sun down, constantly study their performance to analyze ways to improve, practice immense courage and strength both on and off the playing field. From the elite athletes competing in the Olympics to the t-ball player who is just learning how to hold a bat and keep her eye on the ball, they are not immune to life's struggles. Let's keep rooting for them and remind them that they are not alone.